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Theresa Beatrice Lam.
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Why do people get emotional when it rains?


its raining now and i wished my heart was made of stone.

sometimes i think that i might walk out my front door, with nothing but a suitcase full of the things that are most important to me. before i close the door, i would write a letter for my family, telling them that i'll be leaving for awhile, that im okay, and that i'll talk to them soon. there would be no going away party. i would leave this city, and go somewhere else. a place where i dont know anyone, and nobody knows me. maybe i'd choose to go to Perth or some beach island in Malaysia, just somewhere peaceful, quiet, totally opposite from the city-life. sg is so "noisy" dont you think so? everyone/everything's so busy, hectic, chaotic, crazy, stressful, etc etc the list goes on. thats why im living in the west side, so much quieter, and free cocoa smell to inhale+enjoy every now and then. okay thats not the point, but nevermind.

i would forget all of the disappointing things that i had said and done, and i'd forget about the things and people who ever caused me to be jaded and bitter. i would stay the same, but i would change everything around me, and the small things about myself that i felt needed to be altered. my flaws would be minimized, and there would be nobody who knew the extent of how unbecoming i can be. i would remodel who i am right now.

in my new place, i would do things differently. i'd have saved up enough money to buy myself new possessions, like the ones i had before i left. i would meet new people and make new friends. i'd be able to start over again and do things the way i wished i had done them, after i messed up.

when the time is right, i'll pack up the same suitcase i left with, and go home. by the time i come back, some people may have forgotten about me, while others might have been waiting for me every day. maybe i'll have missed out on important events, such as weddings and funerals. everything might look different, or everything might be right where i left it. i wont know until im there.

to temporarily be somewhere else, where one can forget about their troubles and do something new and different. i know that you think about the same thing from time to time. i dont think that i'll ever be standing in a room where there is one person who hasnt thought about it, at least once, even for just a few seconds. no matter how rich, poor, famous, unknown, smart, or stupid. some people think about it for hours, and days at a time. others might actually do it. it depends on whether youre 'talk' or 'action'. i still dont know if im talk or action. whether or not you can make sense or relate to what i just said, was not my point.

i know that you believe that you understand what you think i said, but seriously, i dont think you know a shit abt what im talking. everythings so fucked up; the scene, the family, the so-called friends, life..

maybe i think too much, or maybe you dont think enough.