I shut my mouth with you

Just Keep Swimming
WADDUP G?! so far, so good. caught up with the 3gfs on a fucking early sunday morning in a conference call. like FINALLY we hear from charis, that mafaka! haha. too bad deb couldnt join the convo but WE KNOW AND WE UNDERSTAND WHY!!! LOLS! FUCK YEAAA!!! felt a wee bit foreign at first since its been awhile ALL of us conf, but after awhile i just felt like i missed them so bloody damn much. miss the recesses at NTSS, splashing one another with water in the canteen and basically everything in between. the conversation was really awesome and fun with lots of laughs. im just so elated!

exams are already here because its near the end of the year and blah3... im excited about the holidays and what not. and of course i cant miss out CHRISTMAS! i love xmas dinner/party over at my uncle's place. i love exchanging presents. i love receiving xmas cards. i love singing xmas carols. basically, i love EVERYTHING abt xmas! people, feel the love during xmas. FEEL THE LOVE YAW!
y'know whut im sayin', G?

anyboos i took my mt paper today. fucking hell. i was super zoned out as i didnt catch some sleep at all, and my seat is right next to the window so its like tempting me to daydream every single moment. seriously i was hell sleepy&stoned, and i fucking dont get what some questions are asking. stupid chingchongcheng. kns. i love chinese, my ass!

and oh yea, i cant fucking wait for july 1st 2007. im gonna get bike license! after os i'll work like mad and save some cash for my vehicle. the pathetic thing is, since young, mom didnt give me lessons on how to ride a 2-wheel bicycle, sad. so just wait and see, mafakas! vroooom!

;4:31 PM

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Respect To The Tortoise.
i feel as though my life is becoming unhealthy. i only feel this, because it has become unhealthy. social events and self-indulgance (drinking, getting high, self-inflicting pain, spending money, etc.) that happened at a fair pace have become increasingly bad for me. i find myself doing these things without thinking. but what d'you know? tell me about it.

drinking has become less of a well-portioned and managed social activity, and has instead turned into a havoc of drunken shame, where more alcohol is consumed. i've been trying to stay away from the drinks, for the better of me and some others. just dont tempt me, when i say "No thank you" once, dont tryna make me say it the second time.
going out and spending money have always been a favorite of mine. but the ironic part is that, im no longer going out and spending cash like how i used to, issues i have with myself stops the habit. on the other hand, spending money is beginning to cause problems. when in possession of cash, i am regularly faced with problems stemming from the fact that i purchase things just because im capable of it, or because something has upset me. in short, i spend money on "bad-but-good-but-bad" stuffs. my spending habits have disabled me from doing certain things that i've attempted to accomplish. its like, im near to accomplishing something, but i fucking have to kill it in the middle of the way. i couldnt save my money if it meant saving my life. i dont know..

ive made the seemingly responsible decision of taking much smaller steps, financially, socially, emotionally, and physically. my bad habits as stated above, will be put to rest for the time being. drinking, getting high on stuffs, and spending are not the power tools to fix all of my problems, and they dont always make me happy or healthy. all these things that ive done have taken a toll on my emotions, and everything that ties in with who i am. i will continue to go out and try to enjoy myself, but under the influence of a tortoise.

ive been the cause of my own unhappiness.

(PS. sorry, Y. for cancelling our study session. im fcking sick, and i didnt expect myself to get sick so suddenly. maybe we could meet up during the weekends or smth. thanks for understanding. and id like to say another Thank You to nad. thanks for talking to me last night, appreciate it alot! and also another Thank You to my "sistaB", youve helped me alot :) thank yousss.)

;7:14 PM

Shark in a shitstorm
so i was typing this huge entry and the computer froze and i lost the whole damn thing. so i'll just leave you with this.
for the past 21 hours and counting, i've hated my life. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. have fun reading this and loving yourself. fuck. fuck. fuck. i hate life. (actually, i don't.. my life is good - i just hate the situations) fuck fuck.

my life was pretty good for about a week. then it fucking decided to turn to shit. now all im looking forward to is studying session with Y in say 15 hours time. gotta charge my ipod. i hope im able to dig in them books and not irritate Y with her mugging, but whatever. i'll study, i'll stone, i'll shut up, i'll do anything, just give me a break from the "shitstorm". and now i want to kill myself. thanks life. hatiku sengsara.

bye.

PS. my eyebrows are fucking bushy, its time for a browcut! threading at clementi, anyone? &imynad!

[edit] please dont tell me everything is wonderful now. [/edit]

;12:54 AM

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Hi World, slow down.
i actually have found that i enjoy finding out who people really are. especially in the case that i no longer need to be in contact with them. hitting at no one in particular, just speaking in general.

i had a good time last week. met up with ash, my favourite one, on thurs after my sci prac. bought some stuffs at queensway and had dinner together. ;) then chilled with my "sista" Brian and Beep on friday night. and finally on sunday, i decided to head down to gashaus to support Son of The Bleach(A's band). so i met A again(wee!) and he fetched me from bugismrt to gash. and then there's this flip band who played a sublime's cover of Santeria!!! of course, i started skanking with fifi and some others. A cant skank for nuts! he tried to skank but to no avail, lol damn hilarious! SOTB's performance was alright, a pity that A's guitar string snapped or else the solo part could've been better, not good enough but still can do. overall, thursday's meet-up with A was really good, friday's lepak session with the two Bs was great, and sunday's gig was fun cos there's A and some others whom ive not met for quite some time.

right now, i took way too much panadols, my back hurts and my menses cramps are fucking killing me. i say "i dont know" way too much.

"ANDRAE, stop doing this!
everytime we have a little tiff, you go and run in the bathroom!"

SELAMAT HARI RAYA KEPADA SEMUA!!!

;12:39 AM

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The World Has Turned And Left Me Here

i will be the one that sits in my room, hang out with my best friends, and doesnt want to be a part of the social scene anymore, and thinks way too much. in the dark. so how is this a change from the present?

i feel bad for certain things that i have said, i apologize. you still hula-hoop my heart tho. im searching for something, and i'll let you know when i find it. i also need to find myself. i dont know.....

o lvl science prac is up on thursday and it will be just a waste of my time. i thought this week might be a good one, but who knows. sometimes, i wish people would just call to catch up.

PS. i wanna fly kite, anyone?

;3:50 PM

Monday, October 16, 2006

Praise the Lord

MY GRAMPS!!!

yes, praise the Lord for "miraculously-psycho" me to get my ass out and head to church for mass. i went to St. Francis's for evening mass alone, yes, alone. i hadnt step into a church since how-long-was-that. so yesterday, everything went quite well. i remembered how to do the sign of the cross, when to stand and sing with the others, when to sit and listen to the Father preach etc. but the only shitty thing that happened was that, i forgotton how to recite the Apostle's Creed. it was kinda embarrassing cause, at first, i was rather proud at myself for being able to recite the Our Father and Hail Mary without missing a word, so i was kinda loud, or should i say QUITE LOUD. and when it comes to Apostle's Creed, i was like mumbling, miming, pretending like i know the words to it. okay whatever. at some point of time whilst singing hymns songs, i have a sudden urge to cry, and i dont know why! prolly cause the lyric's sad or whatever, just dont tell me its because im holy. cause, im not holy, at all. bla bla bla. then for closing prayers, i prayed for everyone i love and forgotten to pray for myself. but i doubt God would wanna listen to my prayers anyway. as long as my loved ones are healthy and happy, its good enough. then acting really weird, i came out of the church looking like i'd seen God. i wonder..

lately i've been realizing how much i love my grandma. thank you Lord for giving her strength when she was diagnosed with cancer. and thank you Lord for being the hands of the surgeon, making the operation a smooth and successful one. i'd be so helpless if i were to lose her. (shit, i wanna cry!) i sometimes get mad at her but still she'll conveniently come around when i want something. but i appreciate her more and more everyday. i think shes beautiful. and shes the coolest grandma. i love you, popo!

btw, why dont dreams ever come true? if mine did, i would smile.

;2:58 AM

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Love Is Overrated, Just Another Four-Letter Word.
Get The Message

c'mon girls, shake watcha' momma gave ya!

shuttup lah i bad mood go away. fuck yeaaa.

;4:46 PM

Thursday, October 12, 2006

So Pain.
i hate goodbyes, and nobody can ever change the feeling i have when im with you.
nobody watches over me the way you do. youre one of the greatest person i will ever know. i am terrified that my days will be quiet and boring without you around.

spend the night lit listening to miles davis. you said it makes you wanna fall in love or be smart enough to keep your distance. you cant decide, you cant decide.

;1:04 AM

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Just so you know.
met Yvonne at jurong point in the noon. and i decided to drop by the new library(beside jp) to borrow some "sex storybooks". the weather was fucking killing both of us, fucking hot. after library, we headed for my area to chill. along the way, we bought food and stuffs. and finally we settled down at some "hut" just a few blocks away from my place. too bad nad couldnt join us. or else she could join me and Y bitch about you, you, you AND YOU. nevermind. we ate, drank, talked and camwhored. after awhile i got bored of that place. so we went to my place to lie down for awhile, listen to music and camwhored, again. here is a multi-shot picture of Y and i being retarded. she looks alot like a monster with-glasses-but-cannot-open-her-eyes, and i look alot like a homosexual who try-so-hard-to-be-cute!

i wrote a song when i got back home. you have to snap your fingers and sing it in a jazzy context.

Nicotine Keen by T
Smoke tobacco, it feels good!
If you havn't started, then maybe you should!
Fill your lungs with nicotine!
With sex and liquor, it feels keen!

Inhale! Exhale! Feel the buzz!
Inhale! Exhale! That's the stuff!
Exhale! Inhale! Winston and Kools!
Exhale! Inhale! Smoking rules!

I have a present that might make you choke!
This gift I offer, is second hand smoke!
My pack of fags is almost done!
So before I finish, please try one!

Inhale! Exhale! Cigarettes to the max!
Inhale! Exhale! They help you relax!
Exhale! Inhale! Breathe it all in!
Exhale! Inhale! With beer or gin!

Cigarettes! Cigarettes!
So damn fine!
Won't you be mine?
Cigarettes! Cigarettes!
Hard pack lite!
It tastes so right!

i miss the way you hug me till no one can even fit a piece of paper in between us...

;7:16 PM

Friday, October 06, 2006

You guys know anything about drugs? But can't i smoke a plant made by God?

i found this video. starts off with duff and slash drunk, introducing Warrant live at american music awards 1990. and jani lane has a black eye, i think he had been hit by joey's guitar a couple of days before the awards. okay nevermind i dont really care if his eye is black, but duff and slash are so hilarious. appearing very drunk, high on dope, totally zoned out, holding drinks and smoking cigarettes. hahahaa. i only enjoyed the first 9 seconds of the entire vid, the rest was bawring cos my husbandSS are not in it!

this one's even better. axl hugging slash = PRICELESS. axl sang Dont Cry but it made me cry! everything was so perfect. old school guns is just amazing. simply one of the greatest bands of all time, why cant they still be together :(, not that im not grateful for the birth of VR and the "new" guns. this video has reinstated my love for them. alright im about to breakdown again if i continue typing abt my love for axl.

im obsessively listening to guns. and everytime i listen to guns, it reminds me of you. i have a weak spot for acoustic guitar in any track. mix it with some piano and drums and im melting in the moment. it puts me in this state of mind that is undefined and indescriptable. its a moment where i lose myself entirely.

i still have those moments, where i zone out. it doesnt matter where i am anymore these days, it just hits randomly. and when it does, it hits hard. im convinced im living in the wrong town, in the wrong age, in the wrong era. it all seems so perfect in my head, as i slowly lose my balance, slowly lose my grace, slowly lose my sanity. im depraved. im so bitter but its so easy to make me smile. im not satisfied. im never satisfied, thats how it seems. im so pathetic, right? alright, i need a fag and i shall go emo by myself at the staircase.

;8:32 PM

Thursday, October 05, 2006

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
i spent the rest of last night babbling on the phone like i always do. and got up late for school again. the new humans teacher is no doubt the most GEREK teacher in BMC! he's mean to the fucking funny core. he made fun of those irritating-airheads in class and they shut their trap right away. fuhh. after class i gotta walk out massaging my jaw and pat my eyelines with a tissue; after those endless non-stop-hits of laughter. then my friends and i thought of lepaking at cityhall but then we decided to just head home instead... mostly because we are huge babies who get tired after 1:00pm.

i plan to fast or go on a diet for 5 days. persevere for 5 days first and if things goes well then i'll continue fasting/dieting. nooo im not saying that im gonna stop eating for 5 days. thats crazyshit man. like the muslims, the fasting time starts at around 5am, and break fast at 6/7pm. so when its time to eat, i'll eat, BUT not as much as i always do. so today marks the 1st day of my 5-day fast but i ate a banana with a bowl of cereal during the no-food-allowed time. urrgh i was so pissed that i forgot im supposed to fast. so im gonna punish myself by not having dinner. and i was wondering if you girls thought that i should start over and have tomorrow be day one. i dont think im suffering from bulimia nervosa or whatever crap LAH! dont worry. Y and N, i feel fat walking beside you girls man! so, i gotta do smth about it. give me your support to shed them fats away! ^_^v

PS. maafkan saya. saya rindu padamu.

(my husband's the vox. neh that one lor the hair so pretty worx. slash also so seksi i like i like! axl&slash, wO Ai Ni wOrX!)

;5:49 PM

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Why Go, I Asked. I Don't Expect Anything.
okayyy. im feeling better now. but fucking shit man. how bout i set my clock wrong and got up 25 mins late, busted my ass to get to school, cut off about a dozen ppl, got to class 25 mins late. and how bout Mrs-dumbtit-my-english-teacher hadnt even shown up yet?!

i guess that's what i get for skipping school all the time? so i was pissed off, at my teacher for being later than me. instead of attending Mrs-dumbtit's english lesson, i crashed my friends's chemistry class for 15 mins. 3 of us got so bored till we decided to chill downstairs. and i did something fulfulling today. i bought cat food from the 7-11 below my school and fed it to Skinny Bastard. Skinny Bastard is this pathetically-skinny-lack-of-nutrition cat who's always hanging out with us whenever we chill outside 7-11. aww kitty kitty kitty..

watched the Stories of Love, The Anthology Series: My Time With Ah Gong last night and it made me cry =.. anyone cried?! anyone?! so touching right! ahh that drama makes me wanna cherish my grandma more. one day i should post up a pic of my grandma doing a cool pose ;)

SkinnyBastard's mamam time and sneakers

let's go fly a kite and sing a song, alright?

;4:04 PM

So You Can Suck My Dick If You Don't Like My Shit
urrgh im so angry i just gotta blog again. im so angry so angry so angry! im an angry child! rawr! im gonna eat you, eat you, EAT YOUUUU!

my mom and i did a "scissors, paper, stone" just now to see who could use the bathroom first. she gave a stone and i gave a scissors, and i lost! _|_ but thats not the point. im still angry!

im tired of feeling bad. fuuuuuuuck.

;12:22 AM

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I Call It "Tramp Hoes Ain't Hard to Find"
today, instead of going to class, we visited the arcade, read magazines, fagged and bought ice creams. btw, the only british idiom i know is that "fag" means "cigarette."

people,
say what you mean
mean what you fucking say
dont say it if you dont mean it

how else can i say it?

some people, either they're naturally cunning, or they're acting stupid. i reckon, maybe they're really fucking stupid. everyone's wearing a mask. its just a matter of what type of mask youre putting on. im referring to everyone. yes, im included.

i cant take this fighty bullshit

;5:46 PM