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Theresa Beatrice Lam.
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Thursday, October 26, 2006
Respect To The Tortoise.

i feel as though my life is becoming unhealthy. i only feel this, because it has become unhealthy. social events and self-indulgance (drinking, getting high, self-inflicting pain, spending money, etc.) that happened at a fair pace have become increasingly bad for me. i find myself doing these things without thinking. but what d'you know? tell me about it.

drinking has become less of a well-portioned and managed social activity, and has instead turned into a havoc of drunken shame, where more alcohol is consumed. i've been trying to stay away from the drinks, for the better of me and some others. just dont tempt me, when i say "No thank you" once, dont tryna make me say it the second time.
going out and spending money have always been a favorite of mine. but the ironic part is that, im no longer going out and spending cash like how i used to, issues i have with myself stops the habit. on the other hand, spending money is beginning to cause problems. when in possession of cash, i am regularly faced with problems stemming from the fact that i purchase things just because im capable of it, or because something has upset me. in short, i spend money on "bad-but-good-but-bad" stuffs. my spending habits have disabled me from doing certain things that i've attempted to accomplish. its like, im near to accomplishing something, but i fucking have to kill it in the middle of the way. i couldnt save my money if it meant saving my life. i dont know..

ive made the seemingly responsible decision of taking much smaller steps, financially, socially, emotionally, and physically. my bad habits as stated above, will be put to rest for the time being. drinking, getting high on stuffs, and spending are not the power tools to fix all of my problems, and they dont always make me happy or healthy. all these things that ive done have taken a toll on my emotions, and everything that ties in with who i am. i will continue to go out and try to enjoy myself, but under the influence of a tortoise.

ive been the cause of my own unhappiness.


(PS. sorry, Y. for cancelling our study session. im fcking sick, and i didnt expect myself to get sick so suddenly. maybe we could meet up during the weekends or smth. thanks for understanding. and id like to say another Thank You to nad. thanks for talking to me last night, appreciate it alot! and also another Thank You to my "sistaB", youve helped me alot :) thank yousss.)