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Theresa Beatrice Lam.
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Saturday, May 19, 2007
I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry

i really really really miss seeing some of my friends that i use to see. but now its 2007 and blablabla, its different but why. (i guess they have their own lives? and i have mine too?) and sometimes, the things you want them to change, dont change. but the things that you dont want to, does..

so here, again. i really cared, but the distance caught up with me and you. you never said anything, so for that i am disappointed in you. you never said anything, therefore i cannot hold a grudge. few and far betweens kept me going. but lack of communication and abrupt ends, do i need to say anything more..? i get used to being turned. but i dont think thats something anyone should actually get used to. what can i do to prove to everyone that my heart is in the right place? what can i do to show those who knows/"knows" me that im not what they think i am. ive done so many things to be condemned. but its how i treat each individual, that should really matter. but how do i treat you? personally? take it for what it is.

im still very young and all that but why things happen again and again just to remind me that life is never a bed of bloody roses. im just a teenager, so please cut me some slack. i dont deserve all of these, i kept telling myself. i dont even think i might live through my teenage-hood. please, whoever, i dont need too many of such reminder, im borne with it, with "life is never a bed of roses" in my blood. so please, go away reminders. i want to feel appreciated, for once. i keep smiling, keep hoping. but i suppose sometimes its just a front. because like every other human being, i hurt, ache, and cry. and now i hate to go to bed and lie on my pillow which reeks of tears, loneliness and self-pity.. its not that i keep holding on, i never let it go... this entire post is so fucking pathetic. i am, pathetic..

goodnight.