kindersurprisemakesmehappy

2008-02-13T05:38:00.000+08:00

DAMN. THIS PLACE'S SO DUSTY. IVE MOVED!

MY LIVEJOURNAL

2007-06-29T01:32:00.000+08:00

Tell Me About It

2007-06-17T00:08:00.000+08:00

people change, right? right.
what the fuck am i doing

2007-06-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

(check out some enthu fans at 2:24)

amy oh amy.. i want to kahwin lu boleh..? tapi you'll be my second husband. first husband will still be axl. :) who else should i marry?

2007-05-19T03:15:00.000+08:00

I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry
i really really really miss seeing some of my friends that i use to see. but now its 2007 and blablabla, its different but why. (i guess they have their own lives? and i have mine too?) and sometimes, the things you want them to change, dont change. but the things that you dont want to, does..

so here, again. i really cared, but the distance caught up with me and you. you never said anything, so for that i am disappointed in you. you never said anything, therefore i cannot hold a grudge. few and far betweens kept me going. but lack of communication and abrupt ends, do i need to say anything more..? i get used to being turned. but i dont think thats something anyone should actually get used to. what can i do to prove to everyone that my heart is in the right place? what can i do to show those who knows/"knows" me that im not what they think i am. ive done so many things to be condemned. but its how i treat each individual, that should really matter. but how do i treat you? personally? take it for what it is.

im still very young and all that but why things happen again and again just to remind me that life is never a bed of bloody roses. im just a teenager, so please cut me some slack. i dont deserve all of these, i kept telling myself. i dont even think i might live through my teenage-hood. please, whoever, i dont need too many of such reminder, im borne with it, with "life is never a bed of roses" in my blood. so please, go away reminders. i want to feel appreciated, for once. i keep smiling, keep hoping. but i suppose sometimes its just a front. because like every other human being, i hurt, ache, and cry. and now i hate to go to bed and lie on my pillow which reeks of tears, loneliness and self-pity.. its not that i keep holding on, i never let it go... this entire post is so fucking pathetic. i am, pathetic..

goodnight.

2007-05-10T22:15:00.000+08:00

I'll Never Break Your Heart
and so i fell asleep last night with backstreet boys playing on my ipod. shameless to say, i still love them boys! or should i say MEN, since now theyre no longer cute and whatsoever. i dont care what you think, to me, bsb aint gay and you know it! :)

im down with flu today but it aint bothering me at all cos...things are looking up! everything is back to normal again, which is a good thing. and by next month, mom and i will do some househunting around west side. and i do hope i'll start work immediately. and hopefully i'll sign up for bike lessons when july comes. i also want a hamster so bad now. i am going to adopt one as soon as we move in to our new home. i'll get a dwarf hamster and i want to name him Booboo. and i'll feed him with lots of food everyday till hes round and fat like a tennis ball. great.

i have an advice for ppl who are crazy stressed out over work/school/whatever. eat cake, sweets, ice creams and chocolate. chocolate is scientifically proven to relieve stress and lift the blues. so.. eat chocolate! life's short - dont count the calories. :) and i have a feeling that noone reads my blog. lol it doesnt matter, just a random thought lah. im boreddd. sometimes i wish for life to be more exciting, but nah.. im contented(for now). all in all, things are good.

alright im off to do some reading. danielle steel, here i come!

2007-05-06T19:12:00.000+08:00

Stairway to nowhere..
[Current Mood] frustrated
{Listening To] rachael yamagata - worn me down

"...because it's actually pretty funny how those boys wipe off their make up, pull off their girls jeans, throw on a pair of camo shorts, a bandana, & listen to madball terror then suddenly they become insta-hardcore tough guys. pretending like they've been around forever. i fucking hate people like that..." - quoted from some fella on some website.

people find it hard to commit nowadays.
to anything, not just relationships, but anything... work, school, friends... etc. so this distance i feel doesnt seem to be making my life any easier. on the other hand, distance is whats needed to clarify what has to be done. okay im contradicting blablabla nevermind.. so i had a pretty shite weekend. from fighting with my mom, to financials, to worry, to other shitsss. i hate this.

ive been staying at home for the past 8 days and counting. something like hibernation. and ive been thinking deep about those days when i shaved my head and pierced my cheeks. "why i do that ah?", i asked myself. so.. ive concluded that i liked what i was doing back then and wanted to be an individual. perhaps, i wanted to look garang so that people will think im a strong person when in actual fact im like a piece of tofu; super sensitive, soft and fragile. i cry over things that i will never be able to control. and with that shaved head and studs on my face image, everyone treats and look at me differently, and i dont really like it when that happens. i hate that kinda attention, it makes me feel alien-nated, so uncomfortable. gahh, im just glad that im done and over with that shaved-head-w/-holes-all-over-face thing. having that "reputation" or "image" doesnt matter to me anymore, i swear.

i hope in abt 5 months time i'll be sitting on my sofa in my new apartment halfway across the west side. chain smoking, drinking tea and doing whatnot. and maybe i'll get a dog to acc me and my mom, preferably a golden retriever or a beagle. and not forgetting a ps2 in my living room, so i could play whenever ive done too much stoning or i could invite few friends over for a game and have a mini party after that. talking abt games, if i were to be in a game, i want to fly a spaceship and blow up stuffs. and i want to run around with a big gun, shooting people and getting shot myself. i want to run around with WW2 weapons, jump in aircraft and take the battle to the sky! hurhur so exciting..! alright i think all these hibernating at home thing is fucking up my brain pretty badly. okay nevermind. i miss getting high.. i have some teen angst inside me. and im talking out of topic.. whatever i couldnt be bothered anymore cos some other shit on my mind is bothering me.

i just wish friday night didnt happen.. i wish you felt the same.. i miss so many people. sad.

2007-04-30T03:52:00.001+08:00

2007-04-22T00:57:00.000+08:00

Your Milk Has A Dick

i want this fucking cool shit. i know the ice-cream ahpek ride this thing but who cares, this is fucking oldskool shiiit man! thats the shit yo, the shiet! cant fucking wait for july to come. 3 more fucking months to be legal. goodness, the wait is killing me. uh actually not really la, im not that keen to be 18, just another age to me. the only cool shit abt being 18 is that youre able to fag without being afraid of getting caught by some fucking assholes from HSA and pay some fucking fine to the fucking gov. and not forgetting, being 18 means i can get a license!:D but growing older is terrifying considering the fact that there'll be more responsibilities to hold, seriously, im paranoid. you guys dont know shit cos youre not an only child, try being me. i think all of you with siblings are so damn lucky, at least you guys have someone else to fall back on if smth happens.. k stop, i dont wanna go into that topic uh.. i'll feel stressed and fucked up and paranoid again and whatever largh so yar.. i just wanna take my license and have a good time of my life.

my family and relatives' are gonna hang out later in the noon and celebrate my grandma's 75th bday which falls on the 23rd, tmr. ive nv given any presents to grandma before, and i feel kinda bad talking bout it now. but now im fucking broke man, i swear. i guess all i could give grandma is a birthday hug and pay attention to all her naggings in time to come(god, pls help). grandma bought me 2 boxes of potong ice-cream, and its waiting for me in the fridge... :)

2007-04-18T00:35:00.000+08:00

My Resurrection
Hello Blogger,
I am back for a second to tell you that i am restless alot lately. little sleep, awkward dreams when i do sleep...that sort of thing. after 2 fucking long months(well, it seems long to me) of not touching this thing/computer/internet, im still alive, still kicking.

i left Warehouse on 31st march, and somehow it feels like im being released from changi prison. like a whole load of burden just gave way from my shoulder. but still, ive missed some of them who are still struggling in that Warzone. nonetheless, ive got my life back!

and presently, everything seems to take place a tad too fast. some of the ppl i know are serving ns, some are still studying, some just sit at home and take parents money, and most of them are working. just to let you know that altho im jobless, im not in the "some just sit at home and take parents money" category. im getting this job very soon, this convenience store at esplanade. need to be there this fri and have a talk/interview with the ladyboss, hope it goes well. anyway this job is sooo theresa lam, sooo me! unlike working in WH, this job doesnt require me to wear uniform, stand forever and greet customers, vacuum the fucking floor everyday, serve richass snobbish ppl etc etc. all i have to do is to mind the cashier counter and replenish stocks, a lazy/boring job for a lazy/boring person like me. i like the idea of how i can relax behind the counter, and stone most of the time, and get money at the end of the month. this job is the dopest thing that could ever happen to me.

so, since ive been home most of the time, ive pretty much given up caring about almost everything(for eg; how my hair looks like Tarzan's now, why the weather is so disgusting these days, etc), except for those ppl who i love love love love veryyy much. my life is almost legit now.

few hrs ago, a phonecall with him ended up like a mini-tsunami, not too good. =( and listening to gnr makes me lonely. being lonely makes me wanna listen to gnr. i love gnr, probably more than you do. ya. goodnight.

2007-02-17T14:58:00.000+08:00

i see some light in my life afterall. ive converted to a full-timer at WH now, good or bad? idk. got no comments. just bring me da money, ma'fuckers! overall, i finally got myself back a lil social life, and i hope that my life isnt gonna be all about plain work and no sleep.

btw for those kaypos who were wondering how much did i fare for my o's, i did miserably fucking bad lah okay. and im not proud to reveal my shitty results online so ya there you go.

gong xi fa cai. wheres my fucking ang baos?

2007-01-26T11:52:00.000+08:00

Hatiku Sengsara
life's been pretty dull, its like as if i owe my life to work, work and work. i reckon Warehouse is the most sibuk retail place to work at, the job itself is waaay tougher than the rest of the retail shops i know. but still id choose retail over fnb line. whatever lah im just glad that its my offday today after EIGHT LONG FUCKING DAYS. fucking 8 days, one week and one day, no offday in between that 8 fucking days, WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK SCHEDULE IS THIS???! fucking supervisor, gi mampos lah!

i need something. something that could give me peace for a moment. ahhh i want... okay no. nevermind. anyway my mind's been so screwed up these days. so many things weighing in there and it seems to get heavier as days goes by. ive stopped taking my mother's money, and im feeling miserable! not that im trying to boast that im "independent already lor" okay! i just feel that why must one take parent's money when you yourself is working, right or not? the shitty thing is that, it doesnt sound as simple as it is. thats why now i have only $1 and a few cents left in my savings account. urrgh. i gotta wait till feb 7 for my pay, just tahan for 2 weeks more. theresa, you can do it. i dont even have fucking money for my transport. talking abt transport! i reckon i gotta work till next yr to afford myself a bike. dammit la. this sucks. mcm gitu..? :( but on a brighter note, my mom and i will most prolly move out by mid-year if nothing screws up. im kinda stoked about it. i cant wait for that day man, that day would be the fucking day ive been waiting for after 17 fucking long years. sighhh.

i wish for so many things, so many things i tell you. yea call me greedy or whatever. nobody is ever satisfied, trust me. as i was saying, i wish for many things but there's only one thing that i really really fucking wish for; i wish that the situation that im in now will improve. 06 wasnt my best year, in fact it was close to being my worst year. shitty things happened, stayed broke, work like fuck, never got out of my box and have fun, got no life. how i wish im on my way to living the way id like and doing the things ive dreamt.

never really did much today, but in all, my offday goes like this:
-slept in today till 2
-had chicken rice for "breakfast"
-trying out the new sofa in living room, rolling around etc
-watched kids central
-then switched to channel 8 cos my grandma wants to watch this singing-variety show for old folks
-i could not tahan this ahpek's singing so i went back to my room
-and watched anime (youtube is love)
-mom came home looking so furious cos she updated my bankbook and ya she saw the $1 something written under "Balance"
-had a tsunami argument with her
-but still i ate the kueh tutu she brought home cos im hungry(and thick-skinned)
-doing this stupid blog thing right now
-feeling kinda pathetic :(

my mind gets the best of me. and the worst of me. honestly, i shouldnt be left to my thoughts. ljfsl;dkf[asijdp

PS. sorry to my friends if it seems like ive "ignored" you guys, thats not the case alright, just that i dont even have time for myself. dont worry i'll make it up to you guys especially my girlfriends and sista brian

PSS. sorry yq, we WILL celebrate your birthday okay. hope you understand that all of us are busy with work right now, but we'll still make time for a "belated birthday day-out" okay.. love you! i love you enough to give you a present no money can buy! (and obviously i got no money lah...)

2007-01-06T01:44:00.000+08:00

whats with those "indie/emo/whateverscene kids" hanging outside wisma topman uh?
why those richass bitches must start their sentence with "oh my gaaawd!!!"?
whats the commission for those environmental public health act officers/gov dogs who catch ppl for littering cigarette butt uh?
why they wanna hang sadam hussein before letting them finish the prayers? so heartless. (watch video at youtube)
and why must capital punishment be used on sadam? capital punishment sucks uh.
why so many girls like to wear that high waist stretchable belt? i saw ahlians wearing it already and i was like "wtf"
why almost 98% of the rich taitais who comes into my store carries a LV?
why some bitches's voice sounds like a duck in front of their mommys when they wanna get a $209 dress, $119 skinnies and $96 shorts?
whats with ranks? ranking sucks.
why money is never enough?
where to get the best char kway teow?
why this rich bastard (a neighbour of mine) is so gay and irritating?
why rich people like to make a big hoo ha when they take a bus? if not happy then dont take bus la cheebye! haha wtf.
why rich bastards/bitches got no life uh? their life is like just clubbing + get wasted + fuck + shopping + say "omg!" etc etc
whats with those fucking scene kids now uh? i never say ive got experienced or whatever okay, but seriously its such an eyesore man.
why hong kong banned smoking in public area? sounds so stupid itself.
why cant my mom understands that i wanna get a bike for transportation. NOT for racing/riots/fights etc.
why some matreps on friendster are such a loser uh? "hi theresa..nama saya ari... lu cina ke melayu?leh kenal2?u ada hp?leh kip in touch or talk2?" fuck off la cb. APE JERRRR!!!!
why is my handphone bill so high when i dont use that much? i dont love singtel anymore. i shall switch to starhub.
why ppl like to irritate me now uh?
why of all day my period came today?
why shit happens?
why am i being ignored?
why is the outside world so cold?

2007-01-04T01:22:00.000+08:00

i dont quite know how to say how i feel

2006-12-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

story of my fucking life
story of my fucking life
story of my fucking life

why this
why now
why nobody
why life

god im trying so hard not to whine unless it really fucking hurts

i can only keep my chin up for so long
this is so fucking wrong. fuck lah.

2006-12-17T02:42:00.000+08:00

Now You Know.

The letter A
Are you available? no.
What is your age? 17.
What annoys you? alot.

The letter B
Do you live in a big house? no. i live in the ghetto, straight up.
When is your birthday? july 1st.
Who are your best friends? they know who they are.

The letter C
What's your favorite candy? mints and fruity-flavoured candy.
Do you have a crush? idk.
When was the last time you cried? few days ago? forgot.

The letter D
Do you daydream? very interesting question! ask Mr.Goh SH, my ex form teacher!
What's your favorite kind of dog? german shepherds, husky, dalmations, st bernards, etc. i love big dogs!

The letter E
How do you like your eggs? half-boiled or sunny side up.
Have you ever been in the emergency room? err no.
What's the easiest thing ever to do? sleep.

The letter F
Have you ever flown in a plane? yes.
Do you use fly swatters? no. newspaper/slippers works for me.
Have you ever used a foghorn? what the fuck is a foghorn? wikipedia time.

The letter G
Do you chew gum? if there is.
Are you a giver or a taker? both.
Do you like gummy candies? yes, very.

The letter H
How are you? no comments.
What's your height? 5'6
What color is your hair? front black, back is brown cos the black's fading off.

The letter I
What's your favorite ice cream? chocolate/vanilla/strawberry.
Have you ever ice skated? yes.
Do you play an instrument? violin, but suck at it big time.

The letter J
What's your favorite jelly bean? cherry/grape.
Have you ever heard a really hilarious joke? all the time.
Do you wear jewelry? labret stud. sometimes rings or earrings if i dress up.

The letter K
Do you want kids? definitely.
Where did you have kindergarten? jurong east.

The letter L
Are you laid back? most of the time.
Do you lie? we all lie at some point.
When was your last kiss? few weeks ago.

The letter M
Whats your favorite movie? alot. especially those sappy sappy love stories.
Do you like mangos? neutral.
What's something you always want more of? lets all face it, money. and of course, love!

The letter N
Do you have a nickname? turtle. -.-
Whats your favorite number? 9.
Do you prefer night over day? yes.

The letter O
Whats your one wish? "i wish to lead a colourful life".
Are you an only child? yar.
Do you wish this was over? just about.

The letter P
What one fear are you most paranoid about? living my life without love.
What are your pet peeves? i could come up with a list so dont bother asking.
What's a personality trait you look for in people? there is never one thing.

The letter Q
What's your favorite quote? recently, "walau, fucker".
Does time seem to pass quickly or slowly? quickly BUT slow at the same time.
Are you quick to judge people? depends.

The letter R
Do you think you're always right? no.
Do you watch reality tv? yes.
What's a good reason to cry? anything legit.

The letter S
Do you prefer sun or rain? both, but prefer rain more.
Do you like snow? in singapore?! tell me about it.
What's your favorite season? refer to answer above.

The letter T
What time is it? 0258AM.
What time did you wake up? 1330PM.
When was the last time you slept in a tent? sec 3. during OBS camp, my first and last time.

The letter U
Are you wearing underwear? yes.
Do you prefer underwear or thongs? thong IS underwear, asshole.
Underwear or boxers? boxers are also underwear.

The letter V
Whats the worst veggie? cauliflower and bittergourd. its useless without dressing.
Where do you want to go on vacation? plenty of places.

The letter W
What's your worst habit? smoking, procrastinating or worrying.
Where do you live? westwood avenue.
What's your worst fear? didnt i already answer this question?

The letter X
Have you ever had an x-ray? no.
Have you seen the x-games? the what? i heard of xbox tho.. -.-
Do you own a xylophone? i wish.

The letter Y
Do you like the colour yellow? when im happy.
What year were you born in? 1989.
What's one thing you yearn for? a family when im older. (chedebah!)

The letter Z
What's your zodiac sign? cancer.
Do you believe in the zodiac? not much.
What's your favorite zoo animal? polar bear.

2006-12-11T04:12:00.000+08:00

Girls
we may feel like we're struggling for identity but to tell you the truth, we're struggling for love.. right? right.

Be true like you're always true to me
I'm sorry that I'm not good enough
Lets make up something we will never taste
No matter what I'll be there
Whatever it takes, I'll be there

2006-11-26T18:38:00.000+08:00

last weekend and few days back was too intense so far to actually write about it, so i'll put it in point form:

Saturday
- met A at town
- supposed to look for jobs but too lazy
- hating the crowds in town
- went down to hollandv instead
- dinner at "flowershop foodcourt"
- headed down to my place
- chilled by the pool on some beach loungers
- listened to music, sing, talk, fag, drink, eat sweets, dance, laugh, falling down; until 4am+ we both went home
- K.O. right after my bath
- waking up with bruises on my butt and somehow my back's aching

Monday
- the official day of my last olvl exam
- woke at 6am
- went to fhss and took the exam at 8
- met Yvonne at clementi for threading & breakfast
- crashed Y's place
- watched brokeback mountain(finally!). Y's mom walked in during one of the making out part, DAMMIT!
- Y: "what if A tells you one day that he's gay?" Me: "NOOOO! DONT GO THERE YUQING, DONT!"
- Y went to meet her guy and i went to meet A
- dinner at hollandBK
- chilled around
- polluted noise and attracted unwanted attention in the hollandv neighbourhood with A's harmonica (i learnt how to play a song!)

Wednesday
- job interviewed at ikea with Y
- went down to yewtee and waited for Nad
- N came and we head to deb's place
- finally got to meet Deborah after sooo fucking longxcorex
- all of us hugged and all
- Deon's 1st month mini party/celebration
- buffet was good
- we camwhored like crazy
- Deon became the overnight-celebrity
- laugh, talk, smile(at the baby & for the cameras)
- took turns to carry Deon. & made my first attempt to carry a baby! FIRST TIME, MAFAKAS!
- goodbyes and hugs
- got home really shagged
- fantasize life with my own baby on the bed before i fall asleep
- im very inspired to become a mother, lols

Friday
- met deb at jurongmrt
- reminiscing the good'ol days with D in train
- we job interviewed at taka
- window shopped at taka
- then to wisma and lucky plaza
- elton dropped by
- i left the 2 lovebirds and went for another interview at marinasq
- the shopowner who interviewed me, hates me. i just knew it. shes so xialan with me can! vagina..
- took bus home from cityhall
- emo-ed in the bus cos nobody wants to hire me =..(

PS. i always wonder what does old horny men do, now i know. Lemon Party!

2006-11-15T11:43:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking 'bout, whats the shit about
contraband fags are fucking up my throat! ive got like tonnes of thick-yellowish phlegm and urrgh its irritating. anyways i met Y today after her exam and we made a trip down to vivo, and therefore, I AINT A VIVOCITY-VIRGIN NO MORE BIATCH! i felt like a 3 yr old as i stepped into the mall, i was like so jumpy and all haha. oh yea, there's this period of time, me and Y pretended to be like some japanese tourist(cos we have eyes like the japs -_-) in vivo looking at menus and talking in our own modified japanese lang. crazy. as my "personal tour guide", Y brought me around exploring the mall, window shopped etc etc. and guess who we bumped into, the m.i.a girl from our clique; CHARIS ONG with AUNTY ONG(HER MOM)! haha yea. me and Y then resumed our outing by having dinner at banquet, chilling by the bay, reviving THE SINGING BABES, camslutting and taking some slapstick-funnyass vids in an isolated toilet. our outing ended by waiting at the bustop and enjoying the long bus-ride home. frankly i dont fancy vivo much cos of its crowd, i appreciate my first time there tho.. yar. shagged, very.

and i guess life's not really like that, cant get all caught up and wish for something thats not going to happen. you have to hold on to the next best thing. sighhh..

2006-11-11T21:51:00.000+08:00

Light My Fire
drama drama drama! and if i were to begin elaborating on what happened right now, i wouldnt finish for a very long time.

i couldnt ask for anything more than to finally having a 10-days break from the exams. the past whole week was full of stress, mugging(yalah not that much but still enough to kill me), limited sleep and dramas(like ive mentioned). im so tired, so damn very tired. i cant wait to take my last paper on the 20th, not that i give a fuck about science mcqs, just that i wanna get over and done with this shit. i feel like a fucking freak when i gotta wake up so damn early for the past 5 days(for the exams), thats not how i live man.. luckily theres no exams till 20th, so i woke at 6:20pm today, felt fucking great. rotted on my sofa and had peanutbutter&jelly sandwich for "breakfast". after "breakfast", i took the Classified out and started looking for jobs. and this very one advertisement caught my eye; "PRIVATE DETECTIVE WANTED. intensive training, bike&camera, salary 2K-5K" isnt this cool or what! but nah, im not into the sherlock holmes/james bond shit. after few mins theres several ads cut-offs on my table but im too lazy to go make enquiries, so i went on to clean my com desk and then caught few episodes of the L word. el word = shane/kate.M = my ideal lez partner. i'd so do kate i tell ya. i think im gender confused right now? i feel like a bi, or am i not? or am i just heterosexual? i felt like the Theresa i used to live in(just a lil more hardworking this time and a lil more gay). riiight. haha. alright, not funny. go and die lah, confused bitch.

talking abt dying, my ideal death scene would be a fast and painless death on a bed. i dont wanna die slowly, its depressing and so painful to watch(for my loved ones). after my death, the people who loved me will mourn, and those who fucking hate me will celebrate. a funeral with people crowding the church wouldnt be appropriate. the fewer people present, the better. i just want my family/relatives and friends who are really sincere about visiting me for the last time at my death bed to be there.

this aint a suicide note, dont worry. just thinking.. hah so much for death. one things for sure. im sick of trying so hard to make anything and everything work. and in the end i only get half way there. couldnt things get any better?

there's like this bloody demon fucking with my head.

[edit] btw, HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY CHARIS! looove ya! [/edit]

2006-11-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

The L Word.
normally im pretty okay with whatever goes goes. but i really hate it when things dont go how they were supposed to and people end up changing their plans, especially when you were looking foward to it for once, and things were seeming to look up.

i would turn gay for kate moennig. serious.

i
you
we
together
come on
baby let's go!

2006-11-04T02:14:00.000+08:00

i am good enough.
i am not good enough.
i deserve better.
i deserve nothing.
i am somebody.
i am nobody.
its not my fault.
its all my fault.

2006-11-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

Never really did ever quite get that far

if girls wipe back to front, they get AIDS(?)
if guys wipe back to front, they get poopballs

eeew.

2006-10-30T16:31:00.000+08:00

Just Keep Swimming
WADDUP G?! so far, so good. caught up with the 3gfs on a fucking early sunday morning in a conference call. like FINALLY we hear from charis, that mafaka! haha. too bad deb couldnt join the convo but WE KNOW AND WE UNDERSTAND WHY!!! LOLS! FUCK YEAAA!!! felt a wee bit foreign at first since its been awhile ALL of us conf, but after awhile i just felt like i missed them so bloody damn much. miss the recesses at NTSS, splashing one another with water in the canteen and basically everything in between. the conversation was really awesome and fun with lots of laughs. im just so elated!

exams are already here because its near the end of the year and blah3... im excited about the holidays and what not. and of course i cant miss out CHRISTMAS! i love xmas dinner/party over at my uncle's place. i love exchanging presents. i love receiving xmas cards. i love singing xmas carols. basically, i love EVERYTHING abt xmas! people, feel the love during xmas. FEEL THE LOVE YAW!
y'know whut im sayin', G?

anyboos i took my mt paper today. fucking hell. i was super zoned out as i didnt catch some sleep at all, and my seat is right next to the window so its like tempting me to daydream every single moment. seriously i was hell sleepy&stoned, and i fucking dont get what some questions are asking. stupid chingchongcheng. kns. i love chinese, my ass!

and oh yea, i cant fucking wait for july 1st 2007. im gonna get bike license! after os i'll work like mad and save some cash for my vehicle. the pathetic thing is, since young, mom didnt give me lessons on how to ride a 2-wheel bicycle, sad. so just wait and see, mafakas! vroooom!

2006-10-26T19:14:00.000+08:00

Respect To The Tortoise.
i feel as though my life is becoming unhealthy. i only feel this, because it has become unhealthy. social events and self-indulgance (drinking, getting high, self-inflicting pain, spending money, etc.) that happened at a fair pace have become increasingly bad for me. i find myself doing these things without thinking. but what d'you know? tell me about it.

drinking has become less of a well-portioned and managed social activity, and has instead turned into a havoc of drunken shame, where more alcohol is consumed. i've been trying to stay away from the drinks, for the better of me and some others. just dont tempt me, when i say "No thank you" once, dont tryna make me say it the second time.
going out and spending money have always been a favorite of mine. but the ironic part is that, im no longer going out and spending cash like how i used to, issues i have with myself stops the habit. on the other hand, spending money is beginning to cause problems. when in possession of cash, i am regularly faced with problems stemming from the fact that i purchase things just because im capable of it, or because something has upset me. in short, i spend money on "bad-but-good-but-bad" stuffs. my spending habits have disabled me from doing certain things that i've attempted to accomplish. its like, im near to accomplishing something, but i fucking have to kill it in the middle of the way. i couldnt save my money if it meant saving my life. i dont know..

ive made the seemingly responsible decision of taking much smaller steps, financially, socially, emotionally, and physically. my bad habits as stated above, will be put to rest for the time being. drinking, getting high on stuffs, and spending are not the power tools to fix all of my problems, and they dont always make me happy or healthy. all these things that ive done have taken a toll on my emotions, and everything that ties in with who i am. i will continue to go out and try to enjoy myself, but under the influence of a tortoise.

ive been the cause of my own unhappiness.

(PS. sorry, Y. for cancelling our study session. im fcking sick, and i didnt expect myself to get sick so suddenly. maybe we could meet up during the weekends or smth. thanks for understanding. and id like to say another Thank You to nad. thanks for talking to me last night, appreciate it alot! and also another Thank You to my "sistaB", youve helped me alot :) thank yousss.)

2006-10-26T00:54:00.000+08:00

Shark in a shitstorm
so i was typing this huge entry and the computer froze and i lost the whole damn thing. so i'll just leave you with this.
for the past 21 hours and counting, i've hated my life. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. have fun reading this and loving yourself. fuck. fuck. fuck. i hate life. (actually, i don't.. my life is good - i just hate the situations) fuck fuck.

my life was pretty good for about a week. then it fucking decided to turn to shit. now all im looking forward to is studying session with Y in say 15 hours time. gotta charge my ipod. i hope im able to dig in them books and not irritate Y with her mugging, but whatever. i'll study, i'll stone, i'll shut up, i'll do anything, just give me a break from the "shitstorm". and now i want to kill myself. thanks life. hatiku sengsara.

bye.

PS. my eyebrows are fucking bushy, its time for a browcut! threading at clementi, anyone? &imynad!

[edit] please dont tell me everything is wonderful now. [/edit]

2006-10-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

Hi World, slow down.
i actually have found that i enjoy finding out who people really are. especially in the case that i no longer need to be in contact with them. hitting at no one in particular, just speaking in general.

i had a good time last week. met up with ash, my favourite one, on thurs after my sci prac. bought some stuffs at queensway and had dinner together. ;) then chilled with my "sista" Brian and Beep on friday night. and finally on sunday, i decided to head down to gashaus to support Son of The Bleach(A's band). so i met A again(wee!) and he fetched me from bugismrt to gash. and then there's this flip band who played a sublime's cover of Santeria!!! of course, i started skanking with fifi and some others. A cant skank for nuts! he tried to skank but to no avail, lol damn hilarious! SOTB's performance was alright, a pity that A's guitar string snapped or else the solo part could've been better, not good enough but still can do. overall, thursday's meet-up with A was really good, friday's lepak session with the two Bs was great, and sunday's gig was fun cos there's A and some others whom ive not met for quite some time.

right now, i took way too much panadols, my back hurts and my menses cramps are fucking killing me. i say "i dont know" way too much.

"ANDRAE, stop doing this!
everytime we have a little tiff, you go and run in the bathroom!"

SELAMAT HARI RAYA KEPADA SEMUA!!!

2006-10-17T15:50:00.000+08:00

The World Has Turned And Left Me Here

i will be the one that sits in my room, hang out with my best friends, and doesnt want to be a part of the social scene anymore, and thinks way too much. in the dark. so how is this a change from the present?

i feel bad for certain things that i have said, i apologize. you still hula-hoop my heart tho. im searching for something, and i'll let you know when i find it. i also need to find myself. i dont know.....

o lvl science prac is up on thursday and it will be just a waste of my time. i thought this week might be a good one, but who knows. sometimes, i wish people would just call to catch up.

PS. i wanna fly kite, anyone?

2006-10-16T02:58:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord

MY GRAMPS!!!

yes, praise the Lord for "miraculously-psycho" me to get my ass out and head to church for mass. i went to St. Francis's for evening mass alone, yes, alone. i hadnt step into a church since how-long-was-that. so yesterday, everything went quite well. i remembered how to do the sign of the cross, when to stand and sing with the others, when to sit and listen to the Father preach etc. but the only shitty thing that happened was that, i forgotton how to recite the Apostle's Creed. it was kinda embarrassing cause, at first, i was rather proud at myself for being able to recite the Our Father and Hail Mary without missing a word, so i was kinda loud, or should i say QUITE LOUD. and when it comes to Apostle's Creed, i was like mumbling, miming, pretending like i know the words to it. okay whatever. at some point of time whilst singing hymns songs, i have a sudden urge to cry, and i dont know why! prolly cause the lyric's sad or whatever, just dont tell me its because im holy. cause, im not holy, at all. bla bla bla. then for closing prayers, i prayed for everyone i love and forgotten to pray for myself. but i doubt God would wanna listen to my prayers anyway. as long as my loved ones are healthy and happy, its good enough. then acting really weird, i came out of the church looking like i'd seen God. i wonder..

lately i've been realizing how much i love my grandma. thank you Lord for giving her strength when she was diagnosed with cancer. and thank you Lord for being the hands of the surgeon, making the operation a smooth and successful one. i'd be so helpless if i were to lose her. (shit, i wanna cry!) i sometimes get mad at her but still she'll conveniently come around when i want something. but i appreciate her more and more everyday. i think shes beautiful. and shes the coolest grandma. i love you, popo!

btw, why dont dreams ever come true? if mine did, i would smile.

2006-10-14T16:46:00.000+08:00

Love Is Overrated, Just Another Four-Letter Word.
Get The Message

c'mon girls, shake watcha' momma gave ya!

shuttup lah i bad mood go away. fuck yeaaa.

2006-10-12T01:04:00.000+08:00

So Pain.
i hate goodbyes, and nobody can ever change the feeling i have when im with you.
nobody watches over me the way you do. youre one of the greatest person i will ever know. i am terrified that my days will be quiet and boring without you around.

spend the night lit listening to miles davis. you said it makes you wanna fall in love or be smart enough to keep your distance. you cant decide, you cant decide.

2006-10-10T19:16:00.000+08:00

Just so you know.
met Yvonne at jurong point in the noon. and i decided to drop by the new library(beside jp) to borrow some "sex storybooks". the weather was fucking killing both of us, fucking hot. after library, we headed for my area to chill. along the way, we bought food and stuffs. and finally we settled down at some "hut" just a few blocks away from my place. too bad nad couldnt join us. or else she could join me and Y bitch about you, you, you AND YOU. nevermind. we ate, drank, talked and camwhored. after awhile i got bored of that place. so we went to my place to lie down for awhile, listen to music and camwhored, again. here is a multi-shot picture of Y and i being retarded. she looks alot like a monster with-glasses-but-cannot-open-her-eyes, and i look alot like a homosexual who try-so-hard-to-be-cute!

i wrote a song when i got back home. you have to snap your fingers and sing it in a jazzy context.

Nicotine Keen by T
Smoke tobacco, it feels good!
If you havn't started, then maybe you should!
Fill your lungs with nicotine!
With sex and liquor, it feels keen!

Inhale! Exhale! Feel the buzz!
Inhale! Exhale! That's the stuff!
Exhale! Inhale! Winston and Kools!
Exhale! Inhale! Smoking rules!

I have a present that might make you choke!
This gift I offer, is second hand smoke!
My pack of fags is almost done!
So before I finish, please try one!

Inhale! Exhale! Cigarettes to the max!
Inhale! Exhale! They help you relax!
Exhale! Inhale! Breathe it all in!
Exhale! Inhale! With beer or gin!

Cigarettes! Cigarettes!
So damn fine!
Won't you be mine?
Cigarettes! Cigarettes!
Hard pack lite!
It tastes so right!

i miss the way you hug me till no one can even fit a piece of paper in between us...

2006-10-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

You guys know anything about drugs? But can't i smoke a plant made by God?

i found this video. starts off with duff and slash drunk, introducing Warrant live at american music awards 1990. and jani lane has a black eye, i think he had been hit by joey's guitar a couple of days before the awards. okay nevermind i dont really care if his eye is black, but duff and slash are so hilarious. appearing very drunk, high on dope, totally zoned out, holding drinks and smoking cigarettes. hahahaa. i only enjoyed the first 9 seconds of the entire vid, the rest was bawring cos my husbandSS are not in it!

this one's even better. axl hugging slash = PRICELESS. axl sang Dont Cry but it made me cry! everything was so perfect. old school guns is just amazing. simply one of the greatest bands of all time, why cant they still be together :(, not that im not grateful for the birth of VR and the "new" guns. this video has reinstated my love for them. alright im about to breakdown again if i continue typing abt my love for axl.

im obsessively listening to guns. and everytime i listen to guns, it reminds me of you. i have a weak spot for acoustic guitar in any track. mix it with some piano and drums and im melting in the moment. it puts me in this state of mind that is undefined and indescriptable. its a moment where i lose myself entirely.

i still have those moments, where i zone out. it doesnt matter where i am anymore these days, it just hits randomly. and when it does, it hits hard. im convinced im living in the wrong town, in the wrong age, in the wrong era. it all seems so perfect in my head, as i slowly lose my balance, slowly lose my grace, slowly lose my sanity. im depraved. im so bitter but its so easy to make me smile. im not satisfied. im never satisfied, thats how it seems. im so pathetic, right? alright, i need a fag and i shall go emo by myself at the staircase.

2006-10-05T17:49:00.000+08:00

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
i spent the rest of last night babbling on the phone like i always do. and got up late for school again. the new humans teacher is no doubt the most GEREK teacher in BMC! he's mean to the fucking funny core. he made fun of those irritating-airheads in class and they shut their trap right away. fuhh. after class i gotta walk out massaging my jaw and pat my eyelines with a tissue; after those endless non-stop-hits of laughter. then my friends and i thought of lepaking at cityhall but then we decided to just head home instead... mostly because we are huge babies who get tired after 1:00pm.

i plan to fast or go on a diet for 5 days. persevere for 5 days first and if things goes well then i'll continue fasting/dieting. nooo im not saying that im gonna stop eating for 5 days. thats crazyshit man. like the muslims, the fasting time starts at around 5am, and break fast at 6/7pm. so when its time to eat, i'll eat, BUT not as much as i always do. so today marks the 1st day of my 5-day fast but i ate a banana with a bowl of cereal during the no-food-allowed time. urrgh i was so pissed that i forgot im supposed to fast. so im gonna punish myself by not having dinner. and i was wondering if you girls thought that i should start over and have tomorrow be day one. i dont think im suffering from bulimia nervosa or whatever crap LAH! dont worry. Y and N, i feel fat walking beside you girls man! so, i gotta do smth about it. give me your support to shed them fats away! ^_^v

PS. maafkan saya. saya rindu padamu.

(my husband's the vox. neh that one lor the hair so pretty worx. slash also so seksi i like i like! axl&slash, wO Ai Ni wOrX!)

2006-10-04T16:04:00.000+08:00

Why Go, I Asked. I Don't Expect Anything.
okayyy. im feeling better now. but fucking shit man. how bout i set my clock wrong and got up 25 mins late, busted my ass to get to school, cut off about a dozen ppl, got to class 25 mins late. and how bout Mrs-dumbtit-my-english-teacher hadnt even shown up yet?!

i guess that's what i get for skipping school all the time? so i was pissed off, at my teacher for being later than me. instead of attending Mrs-dumbtit's english lesson, i crashed my friends's chemistry class for 15 mins. 3 of us got so bored till we decided to chill downstairs. and i did something fulfulling today. i bought cat food from the 7-11 below my school and fed it to Skinny Bastard. Skinny Bastard is this pathetically-skinny-lack-of-nutrition cat who's always hanging out with us whenever we chill outside 7-11. aww kitty kitty kitty..

watched the Stories of Love, The Anthology Series: My Time With Ah Gong last night and it made me cry =.. anyone cried?! anyone?! so touching right! ahh that drama makes me wanna cherish my grandma more. one day i should post up a pic of my grandma doing a cool pose ;)

SkinnyBastard's mamam time and sneakers

let's go fly a kite and sing a song, alright?

2006-10-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

So You Can Suck My Dick If You Don't Like My Shit
urrgh im so angry i just gotta blog again. im so angry so angry so angry! im an angry child! rawr! im gonna eat you, eat you, EAT YOUUUU!

my mom and i did a "scissors, paper, stone" just now to see who could use the bathroom first. she gave a stone and i gave a scissors, and i lost! _|_ but thats not the point. im still angry!

im tired of feeling bad. fuuuuuuuck.

2006-10-03T17:46:00.000+08:00

I Call It "Tramp Hoes Ain't Hard to Find"
today, instead of going to class, we visited the arcade, read magazines, fagged and bought ice creams. btw, the only british idiom i know is that "fag" means "cigarette."

people,
say what you mean
mean what you fucking say
dont say it if you dont mean it

how else can i say it?

some people, either they're naturally cunning, or they're acting stupid. i reckon, maybe they're really fucking stupid. everyone's wearing a mask. its just a matter of what type of mask youre putting on. im referring to everyone. yes, im included.

i cant take this fighty bullshit

2006-09-30T20:16:00.000+08:00

If I Could Ask God Just One Question; Why Aren't You Here With Me?
Won't let you fall
Fall out of love
'Cause together we'll be holding on
'Cause all we have is us
Won't let you go
Go away again
Because life don't mean nothing at all
If I don't have your love

this weekend was a wack! wiggity wack? nope, just regular type.. but still a wack cause i met up with my favourite people, naddie and yvonne. today was GFS DAY. we went towning and we did alot of girl stuff.. some of which involved giggling, chatting bout sec sch days, talking about disgusting people, laughing at everything, comforting each other, hugging, and goofing around. y'know, things that girls do... being with them just takes me away from my shitty reality for awhile. tho its only awhile, but it was worth every minute of it- with them, of course man!

Naddie gave me and Y some bubblepop? its like this bubblegum-cum-lollipop candy she brought back from states. and then that idiot-darling insist on buying us lunch at PastaM. THANK YOU! mwahmwahmwahs! whilst enjoying the food, we did a lil heart-to-heart talk and reminding each other that we'll be there for one another and how much we love each other. after lunch, we camwhored a lil and then Y left for her dad's birthday dinner. (thank you Y! for extending your time with us! we appreciate it!) so me and N walked to taka and chilled and checked out some bloody adorable dogs at this dog fair of some sort. after that, N and i hugged, blew each other kisses and bid our goodbyes.

N and Y, you girls are my anti-depressant! xoxo

watcha' lookin' at, dude?

introducing: MY ANTI-DEPRESSANTS! ♥

fuck that lady behind me! SPOILER.

lick it good, bebeh!(ok fuck, i realized i've a disgusting long tongue)

unglam monster. -.-

2006-09-27T20:42:00.000+08:00

i had a dream last night. we were all partying at DEBORAH LIM'S house at 8 Binjai Rise. DICK LEE, deborah's neighbour, was one of them in the crowd too! HAHA WTF. and then a cop was trying to give me a ticket for parking my car outside of deb's house.. he said i cant park my car outside cos the land where my car is on, doesnt belongs to me/deborah. but he had to meet up with us at this house(which is abt 5km away from deb's place) to give the ticket to me.. but he never showed.. and everyone was like "dude you have to call the police's department, dude they'll suspend your license".. so i'm outside trying to call these fuckers.. and i remember being really pissed because there was a party going on back in deb's place, and i just knew (through psychic powers) that (sexy)boys were in there getting naked.. (?)

thanks dream, if only i REALLY own a car. you ass.

PS. if one more person in my dreams/public calls me "dude", im going to eat them.
im not a dude, dude.

okay i made this movie last night cos i was bored. look at how MUCH we changed! alright i know this video is so gay but do i look like i care?

2006-09-26T16:25:00.000+08:00

What The Fudge.

are you kidding me?
i REMEMBERED that i did not catch the finale of project runway and i never knew who the winner was. so i visited youtube and caught the finale online. santino's stuff did kinda dissapoint. so did daniel v's, but i love him, he's SEXY. chloe's was well, urrgh i gotta admit, better than dan's. im just pissed that she totally didnt give a shit. like i know santino or dan would've freaked out if they won. homegirl owns her own business & shit, she didnt need to win. but whatever, i wanted daniel franco to win anyways. (check out the video below, funny shit)

so i've been sleeping a lot lately. it sucks.
almost everything at home is spoilt.
our kitchen sink is broken and shoots water all over the place.
and some plumber did something to our shower & now the water comes out like a jet engine.
the remote control for the tv in my living room is being a bitch, i fed it new batteries but still not working.
mom and i are gonna start sparring each other on the tennis court? for health purposes?
i wanna sign up for kickboxing classes. hmmm.
and i watched 10 things i hate about you. twice.
it could have been better if there's you.

im so (fill in the blanks) today, that i think im going to fall asleep.

what'd YOU do?

2006-09-24T15:19:00.000+08:00

Do You Think We'll Make It?

The gym costs money.

i really love hugging the toilet and throwing up all of my insides. its FANTASTIC.

i hate confusion, and i hate frustration. i hate hang-ups. i hate guilt. i hate worry. i hate stress and anger.

now, please excuse me while i pass out on the bathroom floor for several hours.

imy.

2006-09-23T21:26:00.000+08:00

You're Cum
Wait
I have to tell
You something
Important
Stay
Remain close to me
So I can feel important

its a saturday and im stucked at home, and my mom left for malacca this morning. i know its even better if i stay out late or ton with my friends tonight, but nah... reasons are; 1)im trying to be good 2)too lazy to get my ass outta house 3)no cash. i woke up around 3 today and i felt a sudden feeling of emptiness, prolly cos my mom's not at home nagging at me to get my ass outta bed. in short, i think i missed her. ya ya go ahead and laugh at me for being sucha mommy's girl. at least im honest about how i feel towards my mom unlike some of you big fucks who wanna act like you can live without your parents. i love my mom, just that sometimes she's like a fly that wont go away no matter how many times you shoo it away. its like a love-hate thing lah.. anyboos, so i text my mom "can you receive my sms?" and waited. and waited. to no avail until now. :( sickening josephine... must be having a ball of a time in malacca with her church mates and left her poor daughter in singapore to rot.. btw josephine is my mom's name. i like to call her by her name. i know its rude, but she likes it anyway.

my maid went shopping with our upstairs neighbour's maid. tmr starts the puasa month for the muslims. puasa = fasting. perhaps i should follow the muslims and fast too, and who knows i might lose some fats! okay i shall think about this tonight while in bed. i ate finished some leftover spag for lunch today and then i watched A Walk To Remember on my computer. almost every scene was so touching. me reckons that mandy moore is a hot babe. and shane west makes me melt! it was a really great movie, even though its like my 32742874th times watching it. i still cried at the end though... Hi5!

im bored and i wanna vent about someone...
i cant stand you. you're a loser, nobody likes you. you and your friends are just some Ah Lians wannabe Mean Girls, and i'm definitely not the first person to say or think it. i have no idea what it was that ever drove me to open my mouth to you again at JurongEast mrt station. you have the worst behaviour on the planet, thinking that you're a big fuck with branded Guess belt, Bebe clothes, LV wallet/bags... well, 'thank you' for keeping out of my life, and 'sorry' that i ever bothered having you as part of it. trust me, i wont lose any sleep tonight because of you. stop all your acting, youre making me sick. im glad im out of NewTown or else looking at a bunch of material girls like you only make me wish i wasnt even born. and i know your DIRTY LITTLE SECRET, nyahahaha! youre scum! any newtowner reading this might know who im referring to. go figure.

i am mean. get over it.

2006-09-20T15:38:00.000+08:00

Of Course. That's What All Straight-Edge Kids Do.

If only your wallet photograph could talk..

for the first time since i cant even remember, my mom gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and she said "I love you" before she left for some appointment this morning. this is so rare for me, that it would be equivalent of getting eaten by a shark while taking a bath. you just don't think that it happens, and when it does...youre kind of like "wtf? i cant believe that just happened!" and you dont know what goes next. it makes me feel so awkward.

hmm. i have something to vent about. dont take it the wrong way. i am in a rather oh-kay mood, but these two things just really annoys me when it happens.

1. making friends is jawesome, trash talking people is not. i admit that every now and then i get sucked into the gossip hullabaloo...but some people i tell you, they need to just ease up on it. i think it makes you look twice as bad when you say rude things about someone else, as opposed to the goal of making said person look bad. notice the emphasise on jawesome? just my 2cents.
2. namedropping is very annoying. talking about your famous friends only makes you look worse. it makes you look desperate and boring. are you that malcontent with your life that you resort to talking about things that aren't really there to make it look more entertaining? please, you're not that boring. chasing down every well-known person in some sort of attempt to fit into a haut monde? get real. what is wrong with your every day friends, that you need to try and force yourself into a different crowd? if you are that unhappy with your life, then make it more interesting by learning something new or putting your effort into something that will make you look good. show off your skills, and not the ones that other people possess. standing with the idolized clique can definitely make one look good, because after all, you are the company you keep...but talking about them, and boasting about it can make you look weak. everyone does it at one point in their life or another, but when you do it so much that it's what you become known for, then maybe its time to stop? on another note, i also really hate it when other people tidy up my table.

other than that, i have nothing else to say besides do drugs, throw bricks, burn churches, get trashed, eat babies, and listen to Anthrax.

I half carrot three you.

2006-09-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

I wouldn't trade anything. You're still my everything.

I am such a sucker. I was the one worth leaving.
When it rains, it pours.
I am so sore
I am so sorry
You can do so
Much better.
I can't run anymore. I think I'm going to fall again.
Im just about to fall for it.
Almost...

today is one of 'those days'. one of those rainy, cloudy, emotional, just-wanna-stay-in-bed-all-day-long days. turn your phone off, and stay put. don't bother getting dressed, you're not going anywhere.

i have a love/hate relationship with these days. i hate them, because they make me feel lonely and vulnerable, but at the same time i love them. they're perfect for being lazy, and they cause everybody else's emotions to steep, which means that it won't be hard to find someone else to sponge countless hugs from.

lately i have developed a little bit of a temper. i get somewhat snappy and worked up when someone says or does something that I assume is them trying to push my buttons. im not really sure what it is, but i've just felt mega stressed out and tired in the past while. i apologize in advance to everyone who has to be near me, or talk to me.

i am so bitter and tired. i just want to sleep for a whole day. i want a break from trying to make others upset when they are happy. i want a hug, and a cup of tea. i want anything that makes me forget the mess. right now i need a boost.
i hope you miss me too.

today was such a fail.
end...ending...ended.

PS. To You Know Who You Are:
thank you for being the arms to help me off the ground when the weight is too much on my own. thank you for believing that an ugly duckling can become a swan. thank you for the better part of my life, and the better yet to come. thank you for making every hug and every kiss complete. thank you for never fading. thank you for the trust. you're beautiful. you're selfless, mannerly, and kind. you deserve the best, so dont accept anything less than that. when you feel like second best is all you're entitled to, i will be there for you. you're still my everything...

2006-09-16T21:55:00.000+08:00

What It Is.
i talked for hours to your wallet photograph
and you just listened.

sometimes we have to put up with shit that brings us down, because it helps us grow a spine and deal with the mother load whenever and wherever it may happen. having garbage dumped on us is what generally makes us a stronger person, and it shows us that being a fuck to somebody else doesnt go very far.

when someone rubs verbal acid in your eyes, it doesnt make you blind, it just helps you to see how insecure and low-fruit some people can get. do yourself a favor, and dont invest your time on someone who makes you feel any less than what you are. it will benefit you in the long run.

im fucking tired of the bullshit that some people think they can push on me. my heart beats to keep me alive, and if i decide to let my watch run on somebody else's time, then itss because they're good to me, not because they treated me like trash.

act like a fuck to me, and i can personally guarantee that im not going to hang around and wait for your approval.

wrapping things up, i'd like to send a thank you out to every person who ever insulted me, shut me down, wasted my time, wasted my trust, or made a fool out of me. here i am, feeling insecure about myself as a whole, and i owe it all to you. you, as in those who needed to bring someone else down in order to climb higher, and in the end turned out to be useless to themselves and everything around them.

2006-09-13T16:04:00.000+08:00

Why do people get emotional when it rains?

its raining now and i wished my heart was made of stone.

sometimes i think that i might walk out my front door, with nothing but a suitcase full of the things that are most important to me. before i close the door, i would write a letter for my family, telling them that i'll be leaving for awhile, that im okay, and that i'll talk to them soon. there would be no going away party. i would leave this city, and go somewhere else. a place where i dont know anyone, and nobody knows me. maybe i'd choose to go to Perth or some beach island in Malaysia, just somewhere peaceful, quiet, totally opposite from the city-life. sg is so "noisy" dont you think so? everyone/everything's so busy, hectic, chaotic, crazy, stressful, etc etc the list goes on. thats why im living in the west side, so much quieter, and free cocoa smell to inhale+enjoy every now and then. okay thats not the point, but nevermind.

i would forget all of the disappointing things that i had said and done, and i'd forget about the things and people who ever caused me to be jaded and bitter. i would stay the same, but i would change everything around me, and the small things about myself that i felt needed to be altered. my flaws would be minimized, and there would be nobody who knew the extent of how unbecoming i can be. i would remodel who i am right now.

in my new place, i would do things differently. i'd have saved up enough money to buy myself new possessions, like the ones i had before i left. i would meet new people and make new friends. i'd be able to start over again and do things the way i wished i had done them, after i messed up.

when the time is right, i'll pack up the same suitcase i left with, and go home. by the time i come back, some people may have forgotten about me, while others might have been waiting for me every day. maybe i'll have missed out on important events, such as weddings and funerals. everything might look different, or everything might be right where i left it. i wont know until im there.

to temporarily be somewhere else, where one can forget about their troubles and do something new and different. i know that you think about the same thing from time to time. i dont think that i'll ever be standing in a room where there is one person who hasnt thought about it, at least once, even for just a few seconds. no matter how rich, poor, famous, unknown, smart, or stupid. some people think about it for hours, and days at a time. others might actually do it. it depends on whether youre 'talk' or 'action'. i still dont know if im talk or action. whether or not you can make sense or relate to what i just said, was not my point.

i know that you believe that you understand what you think i said, but seriously, i dont think you know a shit abt what im talking. everythings so fucked up; the scene, the family, the so-called friends, life..

maybe i think too much, or maybe you dont think enough.

2006-09-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

Wouldnt it be nice...

i wonder what it feels like to have someone say, "I like you", "I love you", or "I miss you", without saying it to 15 other girls.

i'm sure that it feels nice.

it's nobody in general, really.
i was just thinking, that every time there has been a mutual connection between myself and another... i was never really the only girl in the picture. it had never been said to just myself.
i don't care how self-centered that might make me.

i sound pathetic. i shall go wallow in self-pity now. goodbye.

oh btw, Happy September 11th to you.

2006-09-11T14:32:00.000+08:00

this week has been draining in every sense of the word. im just far too lazy to recall all that has occured,let alone to record them down here. you wouldnt have enjoyed my week much anyway.

i felt a whole damn assortment, variation of feelings today that ranged from being really at peace then to feeling extremely dejected--god only knows why. on the contrary though my morning was pleasant. walking to the bus stop, gawking at the extremely large banana for breakfast, humming the Jesus Love Me song (wtfff!), and enjoyed the super windy morning breeze. actually today was generally fine except for the times when i was left alone to indulge in morbidly depressing thoughts, retrospection has gotten the better of me.

I need to...
-have starbucks
-leave all the peripheral things aside, delay procrastination and STUDY
-pray more(?)
-eat less junk, less meat, more veg
-stop indulging in the past
-not be so easily annoyed with people
-just drop dead/get high

NOTE:to whom it may concern:this may sound highly bitchy and fucked up so reader's discretion is advised.

-I do not...
like you
acknowlegde you much
know you in person

-So why...
do you exist and make my life miserable

this is all fan-fuckingtastic

2006-09-06T15:02:00.000+08:00

i know i just blogged yesterday but i cannot resist the temptation to blog again. i just have to blog. well no, actually, i just have to talk. school had been as mundane as ever to the extent that i even dread waking up; thinking of the many tests that i didnt study for,the topics that i dont know shit about, that horrible feeling of failure that constantly lingers in th pit of my stomach; i think ive almost grown accustomed to it.

it's ironic that the people that keep me sane are all actually quite psychotic themselves. i think i'd just be some demented loser if it weren't for my gfs, schoolmates and few others. --you guys make everything worth it :)
although looking on the bright side;oh wait...
there is no bright side.

ive bloody caught on to pmsy-mood today, like finally. ive been feeling so ughh the past few days, but i just kept quiet. and today, i burst like puss coming out from a pimple. ok fuck thats sick. anyway, i wish i have someone who'd let me scream/whine/piss and grumble at right NOW! now now NOW!!! im not having menses lah for goodness sake, just feeling pmsy! WHY! :(

i saw this dead lizard at my condo. its not those lizard you find at home, im referring to those big ones you see climbing up trees. not komodo dragon la haiyo! its abt the size of a chameleon. yah THAT type of lizard. what made it worse is that, the lizard got ran over by a car(i supposed) and then its body became fucking flat like rotiprata and all its organs are protruding! like you can see all the liver, intestines etc etc. most of its insides looked maroon and purple, but some parts looked BLUE! bluek! what the blue fuck type of lizard is that?! fucking fucking fucking ccb knn sick! i gagged when i saw that piece of meat laying there as if its stuck to the ground or smth. shit, where the piece of meat is laying right now is where i have to walk everyday. fuck i think i have no other choice but to take the long cut. up yours! you bloody lizard. at first i felt sorry for the lizard lah, but then i got turned off immediately when i took a closer look. sorry lah. cant blame me. i hope the cleaner get rid of the minced/distorted/disfigured/flattened/fuckingsick/pathetic lizard soon. okay sorry for making a big hoo-ha abt a stupid lizard.

-saw this ahcek walking by the pool barefooted and digging his nose with his pinky;say it with me ya'll-eeeyer!!!
-my cravings for ben&jerrys have not been fufilled as yet.
-effing blood sucking mosquitos are having a ball of a time draining my blood.
-i would like to dedicate britney's "You Drive Me Crazy" to my mom, she says the music i listen to is making me worship Satan. like wtf right? fine, I LOVE YOU SATAN! whatever lah ma..
-a searing headache to top it all off.

i think i'll be commiting suicide next year after collecting my results, my classmates and i have it all planned out. please make full use of your last year with me, you'll miss me.
im going to give up swearing for the rest of the week, so please dont tempt me.

Teen Angst!!!

2006-09-05T20:35:00.000+08:00

Life seriously wouldnt have been the same without you. ('o')

all these religion (shit) thingy is making me crazy. prolly my faith isnt that strong, but idk lar. my mom's tryna get me used to not eating meat on fridays now. its like a catholic thing going on, i dunno whats the main reason, all i know is that catholics arent supposed to have meat on fridays. everyone at home has been practicing it since forever except for this girl named theresa lam. haha. i dunno lar just not used to it. yea it may seem pretty easy to not eat meat for a day, but when the day really comes, meat just seems unavoidable! so i gave into temptation and ate chickenchop last friday. ok so im going to hell but nevermind george bush will be there too to greet me when i arrive.

anyway i came to know that that crocodile hunter fella, Steve Irwin, was killed by a STINGRAY yesterday. it wouldnt be much of a surprise to me if he was killed by a crocodile or snake or shark, but STINGRAY??? tell me about it. the news mentioned that he was pierced in the chest and straight through the heart by a stingray's venomous tail thingy. what a pity. no more man-wrestling-with-crocodile show anymore. my condolences.

movie marathon-ed at my place today with few of my cousins today after school.
this conversation went on whilst watching Drumline with me and donna salivating over Nick Cannon;
donna: i'm sure you wanna be his drum right?
me: -grins- so he can hit me with his stick all day?
donna: theresa theresa.. what will i do with you...

ahhh if only that REALLY happens... ok stop it theresa, stop! but i'd prefer if its axl rose, slapping his whatever. ohmygod... ok fuck stop fantasizing theresa, stop, bitch. im not horny okay, its just that axl is such a sexy beast then, NOT NOW! i bet now he looks like some drug-addict with wrinkles everywhere and hair with gazillion split ends. gross. regardless of how old/ugly he is now, hes still my sexy bitch alright. axl oh axl.. where for art thou axl rose..

i am so sad, angsty, frustrated, dumb, jealous, siao, dead, useless and ughhh!
ok im going to wallow in self-pity now. goodbye.

i miss feeling you and the taste of cigarettes
september never stays this cold...

2006-08-27T19:41:00.000+08:00

quite contented now, sitting at my desk with my new found love(the can of sheltox) by my side. im spraying every flying crawling insect in sight. ok, so maybe im exaggerating a little but still, i swear those wretched creatures are out to get me.

we gonna get so high says: hahah what're you doing? (my cousin)
tell me im staying says: haha (me)
tell me im staying says: you dont wanna know
we gonna get so high says: oh lord..
tell me im staying says: neopets =D

finally over and done with o'lvl english oral. i hope i didnt screw up though i have a feeling i did pretty well for the reading and conversation part. gahh. exactly 2 weeks to prelims, time sure is flying. im so dead meat because i havent really gotten down to serious studying. im left with only two more months in school and then its major o's. and i'll have to bridge my knowledge gaps before the o's start.
staying up too late makes me think too much and the later it gets, my thoughts reach nadir. procrastination has insidiously gotten a hold of me. i know what i have to do but the question is merely whether i want to do it or not, though iguess i dont have much of a choice seeing that this is make or break year. how i wish that i could insouciantly walk around without having that bloody f-ed up sense of forboding lingering.

Reality check time...
-15 days until SS & Geog prelims
-16 days until Math
-17 days until Phy & Chem
-18 days until MT
-19 days until Eng

cant wait to see you again. imy.
xoxo

2006-08-23T23:47:00.000+08:00

hello? as you can see, i revamped my blog, yet AGAIN. was like more than a month ago since i blogged! alot has been happening, alot. dont really have the mood to elaborate now so i'll just.. err i'll just shut up lar. will update again later.

having eng oral exam tmr. uggh gotta go down to fuhua sec. vagina..

2006-07-10T05:10:00.000+08:00

and YESSS! ITALY CARRIES THE WORLD CUP WITH PRIDE!!! Italy won France 5-3 on penalty shoot out! FORZA RAGAZZI!!!

Heroes who saved the day:

(from left to right: Andrea Pirlo, Mauro Camoranesi, Luca Toni.)

okay fuck its 5:16am now and i need some fucking sleep!

2006-07-05T22:27:00.000+08:00

i received a parcel today!!! and its from hui shan, one of my very very very superduper good friend. inside the box was a pair of BIRKENSTOCKS sandals and a STAR WARS R2D2 TOY! :D gah idk what else to say im just so elated!

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH! ILY!

2006-06-13T01:53:00.000+08:00

heylow! first of all im gonna warn you, this entry WILL BE LONG, AND I REALLY MEAN, LOOOOONG! okay lets start off with last friday, 9th june. had wall's birthday bash at downtown east. actually his birthday is yesterday(mon) but we just gave him an advanced celebration lah huh. yea we had like a "diy bbq" thingy. i think the guys bought those disposable bbq pit stuffs yah. then we "built" our pit at the park. there were BLLODY HELL LOT of food uh, but everyone like nv really eat much. played games, did some stupid dance with the girls, sang birthday song, cut cake, play with cake, hahahhaha. was fun lah. then the sky started to drizzle, the guys decided to put off the fire in the pit. and THEN, sufrin and kolin PEE-ED on the charcoal, the girls and i were standing at abt 60m from the pit, but the stench was SOOOO STRONG I TELL YOU! i think the smell of their pee got into the smoke from the charcoal then it some sort disperse into the air or smth la. hahah. everyone else started to whine and all la. hahaha. those 2 guys uh... tsktsktsk.. blahblahblah then we went home.

SATURDAY - went for ij gig. the gig was o-kay uh. around 7 plus me and gang headed down to town. went to far east and met up with mary, wati and anthony. we were so bored in town till we have to change our "lepak place" four times. then around 1am plus we decided to catch movie, went to cine but almost all the movies dont have any good seats left, so fuck it. we then lepaked at some stairs. then everyone went home, but i went home with mary and tonned at her place cos her family went for church camp and she doesnt wanna be alone at home. so, being a nice friend as usual*ahem*, i acc her home. we watched edward scissorshands till like 6.30am then we went to bed.

SUNDAY - woke up at like 4 in the noon. me and mary lepaked at home. we had a talk. and i wanna thank mary for having that talk with me, it really helps alot, THANK YOU, MARY! and till like 8 plus then we went to the airport to send Mark off, this angmoh punk guy. then we went home.

MONDAY - met up with the rest of the gang at cathay, the one at dhoby. caught benchwarmers. fuckin hilarious. so glad i didnt waste my money on that movie, whats more its my first movie after like 4 months. after that we went to makan at marina square BK. then lepaked at esplanade. and then home sweet home.

pics from wall's birthday bash - bbq party

pussycat dolls??

wally birthday boy and i

ok this video ah, later got one part you hear me say "hello welcome to singapore!" then shahwall shout "shut up lah theresa!" walau aku sedih tau.. =( LOL!

2006-06-07T10:17:00.000+08:00

cheebs! i went to skool just now and guess what, NO ONE'S THERE! every classrooms, EMPTY! i reached school at around 0910, reached my class, pulled the door handle, LOCKED! then i called my classmate, he told me skool started holidays already. -___-" i guess i have only myself to blame, who ask me to organise my own holiday yest. i think yest mrs samuel tell the class that hols starts from today onwards uh.. must be la. nabey, waste my 55cents bus ride + 45cents train ride(hahahha wtf).

hey ho, its the holidays, lets go! hahaha yayyyy holidaysss like finalllyyy! but then againnn, holidays = spend more money. die. and there's like soo many things on my "must-buy-or-else-die/cry" list. lerr... aku takde duit, sedih tau.. another thing is, since there's so many things that i wanna get, idk which one to get first. rawr. okay this is so stupid. when other people around the world are worrying when their next meal is going to be, here i am worrying bout materialistic things i wanna get to please my inner-self. bah.

and you know what i just realised? we always refer to ourselves as(for example) "the five of us", so we say things like "i really miss the five of us". but if u subtract yourself from the group, doesnt that leave you with four. so when you say u miss the "five" your effectively implying that you miss yourself. haha. how stupid right ?! okay how random was that? anyways, today was a farely pleasant day. and i can see that im in the mood to blog. sorry readers, i know i whine alot. if you cant take it no more, pls click on the "X" you see on the top right hand corner of your screen. :)

i think it would be cool if i were pretty and hot and skinny, then i could be a model.
i think my arms are turning into the size of an elephant's trunk.
i think i should go back to secondary school and join the tough club(hur hur) cos im fat like cartman from south park.
sometimes i thought it'd be better for me to turn anorexic.
i think i've got issues with my body.
i think im craving for marshmellow with chocolate inside. i need to buy them soon. SOON! or else i will die. marshmellowsss. where for art thou marshmellows!!!

what a pointless post.

You are at your most powerful when you do not care about what others think of you.

2006-06-06T16:59:00.000+08:00

i am not scary, im just a marshmellow(not literally)! gawd.. life's a bitch until you die.

south park rock balls.

You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big

2006-06-04T00:17:00.000+08:00

I haven't done anything productive the whole of today, just sleep and teevee-ed. so b.o.r.e.d.met up with yqgirlfriend yesterday and we lepak-ed at macs. too bad nadgirlfriend couldnt make it. we miss you, nad! yea. as usual, yq bullied me. nothing new lah huh. lols. shes ALWAYS bullying me since sec sch days lah so im used to it. haha. hey yq, if youre reading this, let me tell you that tho at times i behave like an idiot by keeping silent on the phone for say... the longest was 20-30 mins, i know its very mean of me to purposely shut up when you spill out some fucken cold+lame jokes, but one day, you'll come to realize that im a very nice girlfriend okay! and you'll change your views of me, and maybe consider marrying me (something you swear, vow, declare in your will, that you'll never ever in your life consider doing it). hey wait, is gay marriage allowed in sg? ah whatever. yq, i know you love me. just dump bryan and tell him that you turned gay when you met me and that you love me more la. lols. ok kidding! :)

[i bet you guys dont know this; whenever yq says smth stupid or lame on the phone, i'll purposely shut up for some time and not layan her jokes. then she'll be like "ehh dont liddat lah.. talk leh... okay im sorry i shouldnt've said that. sorry la... weiii.."]

mom wants to get a pair of birkenstocks. cant deny that it looks nice and indeed very comfortable, but why pay so much for a pair of sandals. i know some ppl can afford it la, but if it were me, i think i could get a cheaper sandals with the same level of comfort as birks somewhere else. just go BATA and look for the "moses-sandals" can already what.. pasar malam also have.. lols.

i'm getting sick of friendster and myspace. dunno why but yah. msn is the main reason why i love internet and why im still online, msn is like our second "handphone".

child poverty

2006-06-01T14:38:00.000+08:00

ahh dunno what to type but just feel like blogging. i lazy to type already uh. ok this is a to-do-list(random) since its raining like hell now and i cant go out.
1. de-stress myself by blogging this.
2. log off after blogging this.
3. stone on couch and watch KC.
4. indulge in some chocolate, guilt free.
5. make love with my bed.
6. idk what else. still thinking.

ok bye toots.

2006-05-15T03:26:00.000+08:00

hello peeper, im back from another haitus. and why was i on hiatus? cos' i too malas to blog lah. i think uh, nobody even bother to read my blog. lols. my blog is like so dead. so boring.

so far life is o-kay. still gotta do alot more catching up with my studies. mid yrs's this month, may 29th. dammit lah. oh wells.

dinner-ed at jp's LJS with brian just now. jp so crowded, so irritating, so noisy. haha ok nvm. yah then walked to some kopitiam to drink+lepak, brian's friend(i forgot his name) also came down. we talked cock, fagged, drink, laugh. twas my first time drinking baron, not bad ah can make it. haha. yah. at 1130 or so den we went home.

siansation, schooling tmr at 830am. fuck bmc.. stupid Bring More Cash school... hahahaha. k la i bad mood cos my itunes cocked up. and thus, i cant use my ipod. nbcb... ahahah.

now i feel like eating nasi goreng pattaya.

2006-01-18T00:51:00.000+08:00

sch's sucky yesterday. shan't go into details abt it. then after sch i went back to NEW TOWN!!! damn... i miss new town effing much i tell you.. yea. so i went back to ntss and lunched with yuqing. i miss canteen food! i bought a bowl of tom yam kuey tiao! teeheehee, i was so happy lah. lols. yea.. and it was nice seeing my other fellow friends/ex-sch mate like charis, muiping, sharmaine, gerald, etc etc... oh wells...

yay gig-ing later! and... HAHAHAHA. thats all folks. im gonna hit the sack now, fucking lethargic. have a nice day. bye lah.

2006-01-17T11:48:00.000+08:00

twas my first day of school today... my gawd... its my first time waking up so early during the whole period of my holidays. and my mom, VERY physically, pulled me out of bed. and i was like "maaa... i lazy go school lahhh" den she was like "hurry up lah! yati made milo and half-boiled eggs for you already..." -___- she doesnt understand how torturing it is for me to wake up so early and get back to school life when i, for like 3 months or so, had been sleeping in the morning and waking up in the late noon. bah. okok anyways i bathed-cum-stoned in the toilet for some time, ate breakfast and then set off to school.

reached at 0825. got my timetable from the general office and realised that i only need to attend maths lesson for the day. like so slack? like wtf. haha. im not used to it lah. im still used to having lessons for half a day, not less than a quarter a day?!?! k nvm. class starts at 0830. yea.. i entered class and saw quite a number of bengs/lians/japsters/whatever you call it. expected lah.. LOLS. i was looking around for hot guys, but to no avail... this male teacher with beer belly came in, he's our maths teacher. he gave us work to do and all, and i think i should go kill myself cos i can't even remember how to do the simplest arithmetic questions. ok whatever. im like so lousy in arithmetic till my maths teacher gotta keep staying by my side and explain to me the method and all. and when he's explaining, i wasnt really paying attention to what he was telling me, i was paying attention to his two front teeth. you know why, they're like DECAYING! OMGAWD... fuck. fuck. fucking sick! ok stop. yah.

overall maths lesson was okay. 2 bengs taught me maths, LOLS. yea.. and maths lesson ended at 10am, like WTF RIGHT.. SO EARLY. blablabla then i went home and hit the sack. ok bye...

2006-01-15T13:00:00.000+08:00

my life is so gonna change BIG TIME. fuck. i hate changes. but, what to do... you can't avoid changes right...yea. i've been playing and enjoying myself for 16 years. but this year, i gotta get down to business. (HAHAHA since when did i sound like that?!) but seriously, i need to pull up my socks. hey dude, im having O LEVELS MAN! o levels okay..! wtf its O LEVELS[faints]!!! ok i know o level is nothing compared to a level, diploma etc etc. BUT, idk lah. im paranoid. damn... i so have to sacrifice ALOT! no more gigs/late night outings etc etc! my mom said there'll be no more gigs for me. =( i can't imagine life without gigs for the next 10 months. CAN DIE. maybe i'll sneak off to gigs once in a bluemoon without her noticing. c'mon, i need to relax man, i can't possibly be diggin' the books for 24/7 right...

damn.it.lah........... im starting sch tmr. like wtfff.

2006-01-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

i don't know about you, but i HATE new year's resolution. i really don't see a point in new year's resolution. we make them, and we break them the next day. so why make them in the first place? the reason for this, i reckon, is because we tend to make resolutions that we just cannot keep. so i've come to a conclusion that, after every resolution i make, say "yeah, right".

1) i want to quit smoking this yr. (yeah, right.)
2) i want to lose at least 5 kg this yr. (yeah, right)
3) i want to be a mommy's girl this yr. (yeah, right)
4) i will not spend money unnecessary this yr. (yeah, right)
5) i will be a studios geek and study hardcore to ace for my o's. (yeah, right)
6) but i really want to study hard this yr. (umm, yeah, half-right)
7) i will not be lazy and make my own bed this yr. (yeah, right)
8) i will not attend any gigs from january to november this yr. (yeah, right)
9) i will not bother about unnecessary issues about other ppl or whatever. (i think it'll be true? ok idk.)
10) i will be a goody-two shoes this yr. (yeah, riiiiight)

2006-01-01T00:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY new year?!